Learn to Fight Fair

by Anonymous

We all know that every marriage will experience conflict sooner or later. Arguments are a part of life. But did you also know that regular bickering can lead to coronary disease and depression. Stressful marriages are unhealthy. But don’t despair! There are ways you can learn to fight fair.

Try Focusing on the Present Never dredge up old history. Whenever people bring up the past, it is usually to criticize. Harboring negative feelings from arguments of long ago can do nothing positive for your marriage. Pray to Yahweh to help you forgive your spouse completely for past conflicts. Only then can you learn to make better future choices. Explore ways on how things can be done differently. And stop dwelling on why they weren't done that way before.

Skip the “You always” and “You never” Try to avoid pointing out your spouses faults. That’s a classic mistake and can only add ammunition to the argument. It may also cause your spouse to start pointing out your faults and add more heat to the conflict. Instead simply state what you like and don’t like without dragging each other’s character into it. For instance, instead of saying, “You’re so inconsiderate when you don’t call me if you’re going to be late!”, try saying, “I really worry when you don’t call me.” A soft approach can do wonders.

Take a Break and Save it for Later While storming off in a huff won’t solve anything, calmly agreeing to take a break can help. A brief break can calm you down and give you time to think things through. Come back and discuss things rationally when you both are calm. The worst time to argue is right after work. Most people need some quiet time after a hard day. With practice, fighting fair can become a positive habit in any marriage!